It Can't Be

This is why I plan and dream about my escape,

This feeling, this pain and frustration.

I go from a perfect bliss, full of happiness and dreams,

To a deep pit of despair.

It’s not me, it can’t be.

I try to keep to my truth.

Stay strong, but then things happen and I get pulled down.

Are other people this way?

Do they feel this darkness?

Or am I again different, wrong.

How come, when I get into a situation, I make the wrong choices?

Am I broken?

Or just misplaced?

Was I put here in the wrong place, or was this place built wrong?

It's not me, it can't be.

I don't choose to be this way, honest and open.

I try to hide, to hide the way I feel, who I truly think I am.

And yet here I am, once again dreaming about my escape.



Moments

     I love that moment of perfect bliss, when you look up and realize you are surrounded by the people and things you love the most. They happen rarely, but when they do I don't want them to stop. They are the kind of moments that you remember when your old and withered, the ones that make you feel like you will live forever. Sometimes I wish I could repeat a moment over and over again, but then again if I were to live my life in the past, I'd never have a future. Times are hard, but I hope and pray that soon I will look up and have that relization again. It only takes one second for a moment to happen, but it seems like they take forever to get here.

So They Say

Being near this place, I can feel my joy pulling away from my body.
I shouldn't be this way, but my hope for my future is running dry.
I want the world, but every second that passes I can see it getting farther and farther away.
I'm greedy, disrespectful, and aim to disappoint- so they say.
Do they know how much it hurts, how it makes me cry?
I build myself up, become the hero they want.
I'm perfect, beautiful, always so thoughtful, then one mistake.
I'm back to being the bad guy- or so they say.
Can I be these two people, in this one place?

Free Dreams

Honestly, I imagine that I leave sometimes when life gets hard.

At first everyone would wonder where I went, maybe even miss me.

Eventually they'd forget, and then I'd finally be free.

I'd travel the world, the UK, Paris, Australia!

Pack my bags and never look back.

Fall in love with some one exotic,  the man of my dreams.

We'd get married, go on adventures, and I'd finally be free.

Of corse that will never happen.

I'll stay here, trapped. 

Wishing that someone would understand- see me,

Heal me, help me be free.

Abstract Thinking

Sometimes I feel abstract.

You know, like I'm seeing things through a different glass than everyone else.

Maybe it's not me, but this place.

Maybe the people here just see things wrong.

Maybe when I graduate, I'll step into a world with people who see like I see, get what I get.

Can maybe be good enough?

Are people different out there, can they be?

Can they see that there is more to life then drugs, sex, gossip- high school?

Am I the wrong one,

Am I alone?